Creaky body
on a creaky chair
Eyelids heavy
mind full.
Pencil scratches out thoughts onto paper
in the pale light of dawn.
Rooster crows
my heart calls
does anyone hear our song?
Hours stolen from slumber
sacrificed in pursuit of peace
within my soul.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wordless Wednesday: How Does This Work?
The boys are REALLY into robots right now. Anything mechanically inclined, they are interested in how it works and how they can use it to make a robot out of it. We have yet to actually construct one, but this week they requested pliers and screw drivers to take apart some old toy vehicles to see how they worked. An interest-inspired, child-led activity emerged where we learned a lot about how toys operated by batteries, wires, or gears were put together. Soon, I will introduce old DVD players, radios, or any other discarded electronics I can get my hands on for them to explore, along with activities focused on simple machines. I LOVE when learning happens spontaneously and I can act as the facilitator and assistant in their discoveries!
May your days be filled with discoveries!
Namaste~
Amber
 |
| Hard at work |
 | ||
| Discovering the gears |
 |
| Gaining confidence with real tools |
 |
| Using strength to pull it apart |
 |
| Disassembling a Hot Wheels truck |
 |
| Attempting to break the body off of the frame |
 |
| Wondering what is inside this battery operated truck |
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| We found wires, a speaker mechanism, and the mother board! |
Namaste~
Amber
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
"If You're Happy and You Know It" (Less Forced Happiness and More Authenticity Please)
"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you're happy and you know it, then your face will really show it
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."
A fun song for kids, right? There is something about these lyrics that hasn't felt right when I sing it with groups of children. There was always those children who chose not to sing along or do the actions. They could have just not felt like singing, but I always worried. "Why aren't they happy? And why don't I know it?"
Why do we have to be happy all of the time anyway? Or why are we expected to pretend that we are happy to make other people feel comfortable while hiding how miserable we really are?
"Hi, how are you?"
"Fine. How are you?"
"Doing okay."
Where is the authenticity or connection in that?
So, in my pursuit to find a more honest way to sing this song, I changed it to teach about feelings and emotions in my early childhood classroom.
"If you're mad and you know it, go like this (angry face)
If you're sad and you know it, go like this (frown)
If you're scared and you know it, then your face will really show it
If your happy and you know it, go like this (smile)."
This gave the children a chance to put words or labels to their feelings and play with different ways of expressing them. However, they were still being limited to displaying only one emotion at a time. What if they felt scared and embarrassed and excited all at the same time? What if when they felt sad, but they expressed it by making a joke and laughing?
Recently I began working with new moms and babies in a yoga setting. Babies absolutely have a range of emotions and use their own way to communicate how they feel. They do not need to hear repeatedly that they are expected to always be happy. New moms don't need to hear that either. There are a plethora of emotions that mothers feel within that first year. Happiness is wonderful if authentically felt, but truly expressing your full range of emotions throughout that first intense year of motherhood and life as a new person on this earth is much more important. "If you're happy and you know it" was out.
However, all babies and people of all ages need to express love and feel loved. In our class, we sing
"If you're loved and you know it, touch your head
If you're loved and you know it, touch your head
If you're loved and you know it, then your mamas gonna show it
If you're loved and you know it, touch your head."
While moms hold their babies and touch their heads, shoulders, bellies, knees, and feet, they are encouraged to use intentional loving touch with their babies. This primal exchange of energy says more than any lyrics ever could.
With a sense of unconditional love, these babies will grow up to know it is safe to express their emotions no matter how big. They will feel loved which will free their minds from the overwhelming feeling of lack. This will allow them to create more space for authentic happiness. Now, THAT is truly the way to show it!
My wish for you and your children is that you know that you are loved and you are able to show your love to others.
Namaste~
Amber
P.S. Much thanks to my dear friend Kelly for letting me borrow pictures of her baby Max. His facial expressions at 3 months old clearly indicates that babies are entirely capable of expressing themselves at a very early age. Plus, he is super adorable!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Wordless Wednesday: Self Expression
This past weekend I took the boys to a children's play place complete with a dress up/pretend town area with a bank, home, pizza place and grocery store, a ball pit, a huge water play table, doll house and farm set room, and a construction room. There was also a row of mirrors next to a sink with a low counter and several little stools in front. On the counter, there were baskets of face paint crayons along with a wet sponge.
After much giggling and running to the sink to wash their face and start again, these are the results...
It was so much fun to hear their delight in self expression and to see them push the boundaries of what is normally expected. Of course, always the observer of human behavior, it was interesting to notice other parents and adults' reaction to their children's attempt at creating their own look, as well as my initial response when they asked to keep it on when we left. (I said yes to the car and my mother-in-laws house, but asked that they wash it off before going to a new restaurant for dinner that evening.)
How do you encourage self expression with your children? How about with yourself?
Here's to a creative life!
Namaste~
Amber
After much giggling and running to the sink to wash their face and start again, these are the results...
 |
| This was his first attempt (he asked me to draw his nose and whiskers.) |
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| This one was all his own while continuously asking, "Do you like it?" My response, "Of course! What do you think?" |
How do you encourage self expression with your children? How about with yourself?
Here's to a creative life!
Namaste~
Amber
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Who's In Control Here, Anyway?
Today I was a construction worker building a trench, castle, and a moat under the direction of two small foremen in the sand. Today I was a veterinarian giving check ups to puppies who told me to check their heartbeat, their reflexes, and take their temperature while giggling as I discovered elephants and bees when I looked into their ears. Today I was an illustrator using chalk to depict a house and forest fire with a fire fighting helicopter scooping water from the ocean in the distance. My young story tellers kept me on task to make sure I drew the pictures in line with their plot, helping to add some finishing touches here and there.
So often as parents or adults working with children, we find ourselves in the supervisor role. We have to make sure they wash their hands before eating and use a tissue to wipe their nose. We ensure that they have a good balance of active play and quiet rest time during the day and nutritious meals and snacks to support their growth. We shuttle them from school or errands or extracurricular activities with an eye on the time and a to-do list in our head. In all of that care taking and management, we sometimes forget that they might want to be "managed" so much of the time.
A few nights ago at dinner, my five-year-old looked at me and out of the blue said, "Mommy... I feel like you are always rushing me." Wow! How's that for an authentic conversation starter. In the past, I would have said, "Well, if you would just listen the first time, I wouldn't have to!" However, by learning more about being aware of my own emotions and responses, I took a breath and said, "Tell me more about that." He explained that when we leave in the mornings, he feels like I am always in a hurry. He also pointed out that he feels rushed when I am getting his friends ready at the end of the day before their mom comes to pick them up. We talked a great deal more about why it might feel that way and we came up with some strategies that we could try to make the transition times more pleasant. However, it was not lost on me that he felt like he had no control of the situation during those times of our day.
One way that parents and adults working with children can help children feel more control is giving it to them as much as possible. A flexible schedule and a relaxed attitude for how children dress themselves on days when you can helps reduce the rushed nature of over-scheduled days. A 'no pressure' meal time that allows children to choose what they will or will not eat on their plate or serve themselves family-style from the table gives them ownership over what and how much they put in their bodies. (I just offer healthy choices, so whatever choice they make is fine. We do have limits on how much juice or 'sometimes' foods, but that is a general limit that they can count on.) Also, by allowing children choices on what to play with and how long to play throughout the day, it not only fosters a child's need to control their lives but also helps develop problem solving and self expression.
Another way to help children feel at sense of control is to sometimes give up your own and get down on their level to play with them. This does not mean direct their play or strongly suggest to do things the way you wish to do them. It does mean that you meet them at their level and engage in their world as their equal, or in some cases, with them as your superior. By being the customer at their pretend restaurant or the patient in their pretend hospital, children give you a glimpse into their inner imagination and they try on roles they normally do not get to do. They can be the police officer who arrests you for speeding or the royal family who needs you to be their servant. By using blocks to build with them under their direction, you can assist them to carry out ideas that they might have, but lack the coordination to do on their own. By playing a musical instrument along side them, you are a band mate and are working together to make music. Through this mutual play, trust is built and bonds are strengthened between the adult and child. As a result, when necessary transitions and 'management' activities occur they are often met with a sense of cooperation, rather than resistance.
How do you give your children a sense of control in their lives? What are your favorite ways to play with your children at their level? If you are not sure, resolve to follow their lead once or twice this week and let me know how it goes. Here is secret... playing as a child is a lot of fun if you really get into it and the pride in their faces is worth pretending to enjoy another cup of tea that your child has prepared for you for the eighth time.
May your days be playful.
Namaste~
Amber
So often as parents or adults working with children, we find ourselves in the supervisor role. We have to make sure they wash their hands before eating and use a tissue to wipe their nose. We ensure that they have a good balance of active play and quiet rest time during the day and nutritious meals and snacks to support their growth. We shuttle them from school or errands or extracurricular activities with an eye on the time and a to-do list in our head. In all of that care taking and management, we sometimes forget that they might want to be "managed" so much of the time.
A few nights ago at dinner, my five-year-old looked at me and out of the blue said, "Mommy... I feel like you are always rushing me." Wow! How's that for an authentic conversation starter. In the past, I would have said, "Well, if you would just listen the first time, I wouldn't have to!" However, by learning more about being aware of my own emotions and responses, I took a breath and said, "Tell me more about that." He explained that when we leave in the mornings, he feels like I am always in a hurry. He also pointed out that he feels rushed when I am getting his friends ready at the end of the day before their mom comes to pick them up. We talked a great deal more about why it might feel that way and we came up with some strategies that we could try to make the transition times more pleasant. However, it was not lost on me that he felt like he had no control of the situation during those times of our day.
One way that parents and adults working with children can help children feel more control is giving it to them as much as possible. A flexible schedule and a relaxed attitude for how children dress themselves on days when you can helps reduce the rushed nature of over-scheduled days. A 'no pressure' meal time that allows children to choose what they will or will not eat on their plate or serve themselves family-style from the table gives them ownership over what and how much they put in their bodies. (I just offer healthy choices, so whatever choice they make is fine. We do have limits on how much juice or 'sometimes' foods, but that is a general limit that they can count on.) Also, by allowing children choices on what to play with and how long to play throughout the day, it not only fosters a child's need to control their lives but also helps develop problem solving and self expression.
Another way to help children feel at sense of control is to sometimes give up your own and get down on their level to play with them. This does not mean direct their play or strongly suggest to do things the way you wish to do them. It does mean that you meet them at their level and engage in their world as their equal, or in some cases, with them as your superior. By being the customer at their pretend restaurant or the patient in their pretend hospital, children give you a glimpse into their inner imagination and they try on roles they normally do not get to do. They can be the police officer who arrests you for speeding or the royal family who needs you to be their servant. By using blocks to build with them under their direction, you can assist them to carry out ideas that they might have, but lack the coordination to do on their own. By playing a musical instrument along side them, you are a band mate and are working together to make music. Through this mutual play, trust is built and bonds are strengthened between the adult and child. As a result, when necessary transitions and 'management' activities occur they are often met with a sense of cooperation, rather than resistance.
How do you give your children a sense of control in their lives? What are your favorite ways to play with your children at their level? If you are not sure, resolve to follow their lead once or twice this week and let me know how it goes. Here is secret... playing as a child is a lot of fun if you really get into it and the pride in their faces is worth pretending to enjoy another cup of tea that your child has prepared for you for the eighth time.
May your days be playful.
Namaste~
Amber
Thursday, May 10, 2012
We Are All On the Same Team of Unconditional Love
With the recent ban on gay marriage in North Carolina and the media coverage surrounding TIME magazine's feature on attachment parenting and extended breastfeeding, I am flooded with a mix of emotions. I am not one to follow news too closely or to get sucked into sensationalized media for shock value. However, when my friends, family, and I are called out...my Mama Bear instinct emerges and I feel the need to protect my own. I feel shocked, ashamed, saddened, and disheartened that human beings can be so pitted against one another and take offense for a human soul loving and caring for another human soul. I am proud, inspired, thankful, and empowered to have so many friends who are gay rights advocates and who practice both attachment parenting and other ways of mindfully connecting with their children. I've wondered through a myriad of emotions until I could sift out the true meaning in the controversy. For me, these two topics are linked and so important to how we relate to one another as people. Because, here is the thing... It all comes down to unconditional love.
If two people love each other unconditionally, whether in a romantic relationship or in a parent/child dyad, who can put conditions on that love? How can one human being (or a group of like-minded people) say that their choices on who to love and how to love them are any better or worse than another if it is based on pure, unconditional love? How can one human being (or a group of like-minded people) say that their way of nurturing and parenting their child is any better or worse than another if it is based on pure, unconditional love?
When I hear of people who 'blast', condemn, shame, or ridicule others for their pure intentions of loving one another or parenting to the best of their ability, I feel sorry for that person who is so insecure in their own lives that they have to tear down others to feel better about themselves. We all come from different circumstances in life and have had a variety of experiences that make us who we are. No matter what we do, we will have prejudices, likes and dislikes that may or may not be similar to one another. But, here is the other thing... We are all on the same team!
Typically, mothers and fathers all want what is best for their children and are doing the best they can based on where they are in their life's journey. What works for one family may or may not work for another. Similarly, what worked for one child within that family may or may not work for another child. What I want to know is are parents loving their children and themselves unconditionally? Are they learning, reflecting, and mindfully meeting the needs of their children and themselves? I don't think we need to create a poll to see which parenting style is better or splash condescending headlines onto magazines to make them feel superior or inferior. We need to support parents, children, and families on a holistic level to help them realize that they are unconditionally lovable and help them heal from anything that is holding them back from living in such a way that they embody that. I am not another mother's enemy because we parent differently, but a sister that can learn from her, guide her, and/or offer her loving support through her journey.
Likewise, all beings want to love and be loved. Without regulations, without shame, without judgement, without the government telling them who they can and cannot love and be loved by. I would say that the love between two people does not affect my marriage, but that isn't true. The more love that is in this world, the more I feel loving and lovable. A world where everyone is free and supported to love unconditionally is a world that I want to live in. I WANT people who are in the hospital to be comforted by who they love. I WANT children to be raised by loving parents, regardless of gender. I WANT partners to have opportunities for the same benefits as my husband and I have in this country. All human souls should have these rights, regardless of gender, race, religion, or personal preference. Because if you close your eyes and feel your presence, you are not man or woman, you are YOU and you are love.
Before you jump on the bandwagon and condemn, shame, encourage, or cheer these thoughts, I want you to consider this. In the grand scheme of things, we are one. We are the lesbian couple who cannot celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. We are the mother who has stayed up all night with her sick baby. We are the religious leader who has been told all of his life that to love someone from the same sex is a sin. We are the toddler who is afraid of the dark, but knows not to bother his parents or he will be punished. We are the judge who sees all as equal and declares love constitutional across the land. We are the family who is supported to make choices so that all members, big or small, feel valued.
We are all on the same team.
We are love.
Namaste~
Amber
If two people love each other unconditionally, whether in a romantic relationship or in a parent/child dyad, who can put conditions on that love? How can one human being (or a group of like-minded people) say that their choices on who to love and how to love them are any better or worse than another if it is based on pure, unconditional love? How can one human being (or a group of like-minded people) say that their way of nurturing and parenting their child is any better or worse than another if it is based on pure, unconditional love?
When I hear of people who 'blast', condemn, shame, or ridicule others for their pure intentions of loving one another or parenting to the best of their ability, I feel sorry for that person who is so insecure in their own lives that they have to tear down others to feel better about themselves. We all come from different circumstances in life and have had a variety of experiences that make us who we are. No matter what we do, we will have prejudices, likes and dislikes that may or may not be similar to one another. But, here is the other thing... We are all on the same team!
Typically, mothers and fathers all want what is best for their children and are doing the best they can based on where they are in their life's journey. What works for one family may or may not work for another. Similarly, what worked for one child within that family may or may not work for another child. What I want to know is are parents loving their children and themselves unconditionally? Are they learning, reflecting, and mindfully meeting the needs of their children and themselves? I don't think we need to create a poll to see which parenting style is better or splash condescending headlines onto magazines to make them feel superior or inferior. We need to support parents, children, and families on a holistic level to help them realize that they are unconditionally lovable and help them heal from anything that is holding them back from living in such a way that they embody that. I am not another mother's enemy because we parent differently, but a sister that can learn from her, guide her, and/or offer her loving support through her journey.
Likewise, all beings want to love and be loved. Without regulations, without shame, without judgement, without the government telling them who they can and cannot love and be loved by. I would say that the love between two people does not affect my marriage, but that isn't true. The more love that is in this world, the more I feel loving and lovable. A world where everyone is free and supported to love unconditionally is a world that I want to live in. I WANT people who are in the hospital to be comforted by who they love. I WANT children to be raised by loving parents, regardless of gender. I WANT partners to have opportunities for the same benefits as my husband and I have in this country. All human souls should have these rights, regardless of gender, race, religion, or personal preference. Because if you close your eyes and feel your presence, you are not man or woman, you are YOU and you are love.
Before you jump on the bandwagon and condemn, shame, encourage, or cheer these thoughts, I want you to consider this. In the grand scheme of things, we are one. We are the lesbian couple who cannot celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. We are the mother who has stayed up all night with her sick baby. We are the religious leader who has been told all of his life that to love someone from the same sex is a sin. We are the toddler who is afraid of the dark, but knows not to bother his parents or he will be punished. We are the judge who sees all as equal and declares love constitutional across the land. We are the family who is supported to make choices so that all members, big or small, feel valued.
We are all on the same team.
We are love.
Namaste~
Amber
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
"My Children" and Other Misconceptions of Parenting
It occurred to me the other day that I often refer to the children who came from my womb and live in my house under my care as "my" children. They drank my milk that I produced and they rode on the frame of my body. They wear the clothes that I give them and they eat the food that I provide. They sleep in my bed and snuggle in my arms. While practicing attachment parenting, it is sometimes hard to see beyond the relationship and realize that both parties (children and parents) are separate beings with their own decisions, opinions, likes and dislikes. I do not 'own' my children, therefore they are not 'mine'.
This realization both saddens me, as well as makes me feel relief. If my children (there I go again with the 'my') are not truly "mine", then they can grow up and leave home. Yes, I know that is what typically occurs in life, but at the ages of three and five, it is hard to fathom that happening. My oldest son is going into kindergarten next year and my youngest will be starting preschool twice a week. It seems like yesterday that they were taking their first steps.
Parenting has a way of giving you the lessons you need to learn in life. For me, it is one of non-attachment within the confines of a secure, attached relationship. I love the boys immensely and do all that I can to help guide them along the way, but if I am too attached to a stage of their growth, I will miss out on how they are in the present. If I am holding on too tight to their babyhood, I am not fully able to experience the joys, discoveries, and challenges of mothering them where they are right now.
By realizing that these beings are not "mine", it also allows me to breathe easier when they are going through a phase that is less ideal. Of course, we need to be fully committed to guiding our children and allowing them to learn ways of interacting appropriately with others, communicating their needs, and expressing themselves. However, when my three-year-old is melting down in the middle of the grocery store, it is kind of nice to realize that This.Is.Not.About.Me! Too often in this situation, I lose my cool and go down a shame-spiral. "What will other people think about my child acting this way? Why can't he just sit in the cart for a few minutes...he is trying to test me! I am a horrible parent. I can't even go grocery shopping!"
When we remove "me/my" from our children's behavior, it allows us to see that they have individual needs of their own that has nothing to do with our needs. He doesn't want to sit in the cart. He isn't developmentally ready to wait for long periods of time and his definition of a long period of time is different than mine. He doesn't know how to communicate his need to be in control and his feelings of frustration besides whining, demanding, and opposing any idea that is presented to him. Over time, his brain will make those connections and shopping trips will become more pleasant for us both. But for now, it isn't helpful for me to view his needs as a personal attack on my own.
When we can see that children have their own likes and dislikes, as well as ways of seeing the world, this frees us up to see the world from their point of view while being mindful of how we feel about the situation. Beyond that, it allows them to experience their lives the way they interpret it, without our need to judge, fix, or control anything. They might not be excited about the party I am throwing for them. They might feel overwhelmed, rushed, or shy around a ton of people. Likewise, they might really love a loud toy or roughhousing, although I would prefer not to hear it or have them getting too rough with one another. Sometimes our emotions align and we are both happy or sad at the same time, but other times we aren't. And that is okay.
Through a secure, loving relationship, we can be mindful of both our feelings as parents as well as our children's feelings as separate beings. "I belong to you and you belong to me" is a saying that I admire within the realm of the connection of all people to one another. However, there is a distinction between belonging to one another and being "owned" by one another. I am honored that these beings were born through me and are placed in my care as they grow. I am in awe of the connection and love that flows between us and the lessons they have taught me...and continue to teach me each day. Through mindfulness, I know that although they are my children, they are not mine. And I am so thankful.
Namaste~
Amber
 |
| Me and "My" 5 1/2 Year Old |
Parenting has a way of giving you the lessons you need to learn in life. For me, it is one of non-attachment within the confines of a secure, attached relationship. I love the boys immensely and do all that I can to help guide them along the way, but if I am too attached to a stage of their growth, I will miss out on how they are in the present. If I am holding on too tight to their babyhood, I am not fully able to experience the joys, discoveries, and challenges of mothering them where they are right now.
By realizing that these beings are not "mine", it also allows me to breathe easier when they are going through a phase that is less ideal. Of course, we need to be fully committed to guiding our children and allowing them to learn ways of interacting appropriately with others, communicating their needs, and expressing themselves. However, when my three-year-old is melting down in the middle of the grocery store, it is kind of nice to realize that This.Is.Not.About.Me! Too often in this situation, I lose my cool and go down a shame-spiral. "What will other people think about my child acting this way? Why can't he just sit in the cart for a few minutes...he is trying to test me! I am a horrible parent. I can't even go grocery shopping!"
 |
| The Littlest One and "his" Mama |
When we remove "me/my" from our children's behavior, it allows us to see that they have individual needs of their own that has nothing to do with our needs. He doesn't want to sit in the cart. He isn't developmentally ready to wait for long periods of time and his definition of a long period of time is different than mine. He doesn't know how to communicate his need to be in control and his feelings of frustration besides whining, demanding, and opposing any idea that is presented to him. Over time, his brain will make those connections and shopping trips will become more pleasant for us both. But for now, it isn't helpful for me to view his needs as a personal attack on my own.
When we can see that children have their own likes and dislikes, as well as ways of seeing the world, this frees us up to see the world from their point of view while being mindful of how we feel about the situation. Beyond that, it allows them to experience their lives the way they interpret it, without our need to judge, fix, or control anything. They might not be excited about the party I am throwing for them. They might feel overwhelmed, rushed, or shy around a ton of people. Likewise, they might really love a loud toy or roughhousing, although I would prefer not to hear it or have them getting too rough with one another. Sometimes our emotions align and we are both happy or sad at the same time, but other times we aren't. And that is okay.
Through a secure, loving relationship, we can be mindful of both our feelings as parents as well as our children's feelings as separate beings. "I belong to you and you belong to me" is a saying that I admire within the realm of the connection of all people to one another. However, there is a distinction between belonging to one another and being "owned" by one another. I am honored that these beings were born through me and are placed in my care as they grow. I am in awe of the connection and love that flows between us and the lessons they have taught me...and continue to teach me each day. Through mindfulness, I know that although they are my children, they are not mine. And I am so thankful.
Namaste~
Amber
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